Let me just say this. I did more things on Saturday night than I ever thought I would ever want to do or should do. Should being the more important word in that last sentence. I should have been prepared for this. After all, all the pieces were fitting into the puzzle. Celia was up visiting me from D.C., it was Kareoke night at the local dive bar, and I was completely trashed. Combine those three elements and you have the mixings for one fucked up evening.

Let's just say that I should have told everyone that what happens at Kareoke STAYS at Kareoke, but not many people feel the same way, especially my lovely sister Celia who told my father what I did. What were you thinking Celia?? But I shall forgive her...after I think of something embarrassing to tell everyone about her on this here blog.

I will now write the list of songs, in order, that I sang at Kareoke.

Add It Up (Femmes) with the lovely Abby. I agree Abby That this is the perfect song to sing.
Dr. Feelgood (Aretha) - my new Kareoke staple and I must say, a crowd pleaser.
Chain of Fools (Aretha)- just because Dr. Feelgood went over so well.
I've got you under my skin (Ole Blue Eyes) - I dedicated this song to Jessie and Johnny Baseball, but I don't know if anyone heard me.
I ended off the night with a Careless Whisper duet with Celia. As they say, Guilty Feet have got no rhythm.

Then I may or may not have entered a air guitar contest...but that's going to STAY at Kareoke.

My mom is coming to visit this weekend. Perhaps she will want to sing a Rick Astley or Toto song.

Tomorrow is my first radio show. I'm nervous already...this is not going to be pretty. I just hope I don't think I'm doing this great job all the while there is dead air because I forgot to flip some switch...why do I do this to myself? I could be sleeping in tomorrow..going to Yoga with Kelly and instead I got it into my head I need to broadcast Lyle Lovett over the NYC area.

God Speed little air waves, God Speed.

Fuck, I just realized that in a previous post I wrote my last name, so if you search on my name you can find my blog. Shitpants! I'm so stupid. I don't like the idea of someone finding this that I didn't tell to come here. I'm so silly.

I think it's time for a fudgcicle, what do you think? Do you want one?

I did get a massage this weekend. But I didn't go to Bliss. I went to a stocky Russian man in blue scrubs who had the hands of an angel. He rubbed my ass like a pro and oh yes hairy Russian man, I will be back...oh yes I will.

I got the radio show! hahaha FOOLS! Now I have the power of the airwaves and shall harness those airwaves to do my bidding!

Other than that. I'm feeling very tired and wish my keyboard was as soft as my new mattress. Oh new mattress, you are my one true love.

I tried making capes all day yesterday with Abby. One hour into it and I was ready to sell my soul to Lex Luthor just to make it all stop. Abby was a trooper, but I'm afraid the pull of the sunshine and our plan of having Sunday serve as a sort of blank canvas on which we could paint mojitos and summer tans was enough to make us sick of the cape business within minutes of beginning. I'm all for the caperie, but come on....throw me a bone oh master of cape making!

I'm really looking forward to the 826nyc event this Thursday. David Byrne is performing again, and dammit if he's not the most amazing performer I have EVER seen. He is never to be missed. Hey, I wonder if he would like to be my first guest on my radio show? haha, You can never shoot too high, right? God, wouldn't those radio people fall off of their little chairs if I came in to do my first show with David Byrne in tow. HAHA. I wonder if I bribed him with something...do you think he likes cake?

My sister Celee Posturpedic is coming into town this weekend with Margaret and Brett. I'm taking everyone to the zoo! And the whole time I am there I'm going to make everyone sick by saying, "Well, that zebra is cool, but it's going to look even cooler in the SERENGETI!"

Word Association is Fun..and Cheap!

rubber:: sole
rock:: potion (I don't know where that came from)
green:: lieutenant
wet:: nap
cry:: baby
peanut:: butter
hay:: seed
cold:: cream
steamy:: saucy
freaky:: synthetic
rain:: bucket
bite:: gnaw
fuck:: me
blow:: hole

okay, I just wrote what came into my head...perhaps I shouldn't publicize how my brain works like this.

I need people to tell me what to do with my life. I'll consider all suggestions.

I still haven't heard back from the radio people. It's been a week. I'm not a patient person....hmmm, I wonder if I really sucked and just had no idea.

Does anyone know where my Blood on the Tracks cd went to? I would really like it back.

Anyone have any good music I should look into purchasing?

I got a new mattress. It's a Sealy Posturepedic! Which is what we always called my sister Celia growing up...which is weird when I think about it, but not weird then. Anyway, back to the mattress. It has a pillowtop and cost a lot of money, but oohhh, how lovely. I didn't sleep wonderfully last night, but that have more to do with me being hot and taking a nap earlier in the day, which I hardly ever do, but it was like the bed was calling to me...Krista, come lay on my cozy pillow softness.

Oh, I just realized I still have a 30$ gift certificate from Bliss Spa...ohh I think I need to schedule a massage...oh yes.

Yours Massagingly...

PS - I just ran a spell check and the spell checker wanted to replace posturepedic with boustrophedon. I don't even know what that means! It also wanted to replace Krista with Crusty (that probably explains my nickname Krusta given to me by my cousin Joe). Ok, the Bartleby dictionary says that boustrophedon means: An ancient method of writing in which the lines are inscribed alternately from right to left and from left to right.

It's Sunday night and I'm feeling restless...I just wrote those lines in an email. I think it was a cry for help. A cry to get me out of this house. I have a million things I could be doing now, but none seem to be attractive enough at the moment.

ahhhhhhhhhhh.

I got a new mattress today. Oh yes. I shall be the queen of sleeping now! The QUEEN! I already took a nap today and I rarely nap, but oh it felt so good. I spent a load of money on it, but for an insomniac like myself, nothing can be too much.

I'm writing this on my work laptop. My own laptop is being scanned for viruses. Currently it's pretty much worthless because I get pop ups every ten seconds. It's so annoying! I'm hoping this virus scan does the trick.

My apartment is a mess. A mess. I should be cleaning my room. Could this blog be any more boring. What can I say, it's a reflection of my moods and right now I'm a boring girl.

Peas

Ok, I can see from Liz's comment message that she is in need of some Krista-blog activity. I was seriously thinking of ending this creative-writing charade, but it seems my friends need me, so who am I to keep them waiting?

Lots of things have been happening in my life. So many that's it's hard to catalog them, hence the non-posting. I'll try to start from the most recent changes.

a. I booked my safari trip today! That's right folks, this Krista is going to Tanzania for her big birthday. THE big birthday...okay, fine I'll just say it. I'm going to be 30. I promised myself I would never be one of those people who cares about age, so I'm not going to start on this here blog. I knew I wanted to do something big, but I never dreamed I would go this big. Hell, I'm not having sex right now, so I might as well plan big trips and spend too much money...was that saying too much? But please, this does not mean I don't want to have a big party as well, complete with presents and punch. Keep that in mind friends.

b. I might have myself a radio show. YEAH! I had my audition on Monday and I had the best time. It rocked. I have good feelings about it, but you never know, I could have sucked ass and not realized it, but I don't think that was the case. So I'm just waiting for the call to tell me if they liked it or not and what my time slot would be. The show has a alternative country theme and combined with my sexy voice...what more could these radio people want?

c. I've been doing lots of work for 826. Lots of manual labor, which doesn't seem to agree with me. I'm more of an organize manual activity person...but it's for the chil-ren.

d. I'm getting all of my hair cut off on Friday...well not all of it, but lots. I like it short in the summer...

e. I'm playing poker on Sunday night in Williamsburg if anyone would like to join in. It's at the home of Joe P and I think I might win because I've been watching a lot of Celebrity Poker on Brazo.

f. Um....work sucks. In the perfect world the baby jesus would give me a radio show that I could do every day, so I wouldn't have to come in to a big high box in midtown everyday and sell my soul to corporate america.

g. I love cheese. But not, peas and cheese. Peas should not be combined with cheese of any kind. Peas should really not be combined with anything now that I think about or consumed really.

h. My parents are moving to Iowa. I don't know how I feel about that right now.

i. My sister Ally is quiting IUP (college) and moving back to the Lehigh Valley...she better get back into school fast or I'll have to kick her ass! I was laughing last night while watching the Sopranos because Anthony (Tony's kid) wants to go to East Strausburg and that's where Ally wants to go...maybe they will meet.

j. I'm all out of news.

Thank you and goodnight.

K

Ok, so this is supposed to tell me what color I am.

atsirk

Miss Australia won. I guess little girls all over Australia are telling themselves, I too can be the most beautiful woman in the world...but first I should wear some sunscreen so I don't look 30 when I'm 16.

Trinidad and Tobago was robbed!

I'm just sitting here, watching a little Miss Universe on the tv and reading up on all the crazy shit happening in New York. What's up with that girl being shot on the subway? I think I need to write an email to Jesus.

Miss USA looks like a fake freak. When are they going to show us their talent? I want to see Miss Australia wrestling an alligator with a baby on one arm and a beer in the other. I want to see Miss Trinidad and Tobago go toboganning.

Is it me, or don't all these girls look like Trump's new fiancee? Oh God, they need to answer questions now. The translator sucks. ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwWW! Miss USA just said that the biggest contribution women make today is CHILDREN! What the FUCK! She might as well just say, I'm just a big pussy, fuck me.

I think Trinidad and Tobego is going to win. They are all wearing the same long earrings. Ok, so the winner gets a pearl crown, a 5000 cash prize and some cosmetics, and a chandelier?? and a trophy, a NYC apartment, a trip to the Galapagos Islands, $10,000 shopping spree for QVC, a role on telemundo and a $45,000 scholarship to a stupid school for models or something like that. So basically she gets to move to NY, fuck Donald Trump while wearing a crown, cheap make-up and a track suit she bought on QVC. Ohh, sign me up.

Did you hear what our prince Kwame did at the pageant? Stupid Kwame. HAH, they replaced him with Bill.

Okay, so I'm a lazy ass and haven't updated in a while. But I must say, I feel it's sort of pointless with the amount of time I spend with Liz and Abby, who document our adventures so well that my blog sort of feels like the extra appendage on a quadriplegic.

I have to say I had a lovely time gardening for 826NYC on Sunday. The weather was perfect, everyone got along and worked really hard. It was like the baby Jesus himself was smiling down at us. I feel such a sense of achievement. We took this hole of a yard, filled with 4 feet of garbage, and turned it into a petunia filled haven. I can't wait to turn it into my own private oasis. No kids are allowed, it's only for me...ALL MINE.

In other news, I'm going to AFRICA! That's right, fucking AFRICA! Whooooo. I needed something to look forward to and this is it. I got a freaking loan to go and everything. I'm going for my birthday in November. It's a safari to Tanzania. I might try to spend a few days in Zanzibar as well, if the fates allow. I'm gonna see some Elephants and Hippos and Warthogs oh my! I'm so freaking excited. I haven't booked yet because I want to make sure I'm going on the right one. I would really like to see Victoria Falls as well, but you can't do everything at once. If it's really nice I can always go back. I keep telling myself that. Once I see some of Africa I only have 3 more continents to go.

I'm reading this really good book, but I keep thinking about this one passage. One of the characters says, "Traveling is for people who don't know how to be happy." Do you think this is true? Do we travel because we are always searching for something to make us happy?

Ok, I really need to leave this bloody office now. The verizon building across the street either just came tumbling down or it's thundering outside.

Kisses...